Top 5 reasons I won't be watching "Transformers: Dark of the Moon"
Posted on 7:08 PM by Two Guys
5. Michael Bay is starting to annoy me. Yes, he brought us Bad Boys and “Mike Lowwry.” He is also responsible for Armageddon. Not a terribly horrible movie, but we will forever have to hear that Aerosmith song. For that, there is no forgiveness.
I don’t like how he doesn’t want to include any of the robots in the trailers. It’s like going to a restaurant that doesn’t give you the prices. I don’t mind surprises, but if your story isn’t good enough to hold up aside from a few clips of robots then it’s probably lame.
4. Megatron is supposed to be a gun, if I’m not mistaken. He looks like a huge Thorny Devil lizard in the movie. I feel like I’m Tom Hanks in Big when they are in the board meeting.
“I don’t get it,” he says.
“What don’t you get?” The dad from Home Alone says.
“It’s a building that turns into a robot.”
That’s how I feel. As “unrealistic” as it is for him to turn into a Walther P38, these are talking robots that transform into cars, trucks, jets etc.
3. I’m just not a fan of live-action remakes. The Transformers, in particular, are the worst one you could possibly bring to life to me. It’s near and dear to my heart. As a kid I was offered by my father to pick any toy in the whole story and I picked the Constructicons. You know, all the construction vehicles that form into one giant robot named, Devastator. It’s kinda like Voltron, but not so much Mighty Morphin Power Rangers-ish.
I would have been about 6 years old at the time. I could have picked anything. I could have gone for a bike or one of those Pogo Balls that everyone kept breaking their necks on. Instead, I went for the Transformers. So, I don’t need Michael Bay remaking things I love just because he likes to blow up a bunch of stuff.
2. Humans. Speaking of Voltron, it may not be a bad remake (Shockingly, in the works, by the way). In Voltron you could rely on human story-lines. There were no humans in the original Transformers cartoon. The robots were the characters and there were no love stories besides the sexual tension between Optimus Prime and Megatron. None of this translates well into a Hollywood blockbuster. Movies like this can’t be made without losing their integrity because the masses won’t buy into a Sci-Fi movie about robots. So, we meet somewhere in between Johnny Five and Terminator.
1. For all the original fans this is all I have to say, “You got the touch. You got the power.” You know what I’m talking about.
Now, when does that new Smurfs movie start?
-Shane
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