Review: "The Human Centipede"
Posted on 6:11 PM by Two Guys
one, to point out how much of a pussy Shane is, and two, to point out just how much of a man I am. With that being said I had heard a lot of feedback on “The Human Centipede”, some of it being really bad and some more of it being worse. Naturally I had to experience this cinematic tour de force myself. It begins like just about every other cliché horror film sets out: two young women on a vacation of some sort in a foreign country where they wear their clothes too tight and have no grasp of the native language. After all, pretty girls are allowed to be insultingly vapid in horror movies…right? As you might expect, the girls get lost in the rain (surprise) and stumble upon a palatial house in the middle of the forest (surprise x2) where they meet a strangely accommodating man (seriously?). From there, a Japanese guy comes from somewhere and the strange man holds them captive and proceeds to, well, you’ve heard the rumors right?
All the rumors are 100% accurate.
This movie is seriously disgusting. But it’s not the gruesome imagery that you might imagine elicits the sickening feeling in the pit of your stomach, but rather the psychological stress these poor people have to go through after the “procedure”. Believe it or not the movie really isn’t that graphic. Sure it has some gross special effects thrown in for gag-factor, but it really is your pity for the victims that stays with you long after the credits roll. The film’s plot has holes throughout, I mean really…where did the Japanese guy come from…anybody? The acting was also woefully amateur save the deranged Dr Heiter played by cinematic genius Dieter Laser. I honestly can’t tell if he meant to be that horribly campy, but either way it was the most interesting aspect of the movie
Ultimately though the worst thing about “The Human Centipede” was how much it wasted its potential. The idea itself had the makings of being a classic cult horror movie. Disgraced surgeon who had spent his life dissecting Siamese twins, pulls a 180 and decides to connect people together. The whole psychological attack on our emotions would have completely changed the movie if I believed that they had meant to do it. It was clear that Director Tom Six was simply trying to gross me out with all his naked butts sewn to mouths and it just didn’t work. On top of that he didn’t even answer the one question I had
Can they taste the poop?
Can they taste the poop?
2 out of 5 stars 
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